Just so we’re clear, Andy and my trip to Illinois was one of the best trips of my life. I got to meet his wonderfully fun family and experience the beautiful cities of Chicago and St. Louis. But it should be noted that the first 3 hours of the trip made me want to end my life as I know it.
Andy and I flew into Chicago O’Hare on November 23rd. Seemed like a normal day…Chicagoans going about their day, commuting into work, and getting their lawfully owned firearms taken by the state. Yet, as we meandered closer to downtown, something didn’t feel right. Traffic was unusually crowded for that time of day, and many roads were blocked off. We kept driving in circles. I was getting sick of seeing the same poster of Barack Obama. Just kidding, there were none of those. Which was also suspicious.
Of course, like always, Siri was utterly useless. She had no sense of one-way streets, and kept spitting us onto the streets that were blocked off. I finally had to cancel her and navigate an increasingly frustrated Andy through side streets of Chicago to get us onto the other side of the hotel, all the while yelling at Siri to “shut it” while she perpetually instructed us to “proceed to the route.” Again, we hit blocked street after blocked street until we finally realized what was happening: The Christmas Parade. In November. Before Thanksgiving. SAKDFASIYGWOTWNELKGNOkjshf9awgnl3O
So here Andy and I are, driving around in circles, staring at our hotel that sat conveniently across the street on the other side of the blocked off parade route. The only hotel in the entire city that was boxed in by the parade was, of course, the hotel we were staying at. Here I am, sitting in the passenger seat of a rental car, I can’t work the air conditioner, I’m sweating out of pure anger and frustration, both mine and Andy’s phones are dying, we can’t get to our hotel, and to my deep and utter shame I begin to curse Christmas. It’s so painful to admit that there was a moment in my life where I cursed Christmas. I never curse Christmas. Christmas is the best thing that’s ever happened to the world. I look back on that moment in that fateful rental car like I’m sure mothers look back on times they unfairly yelled at their children. But, I admit it. And I shall forever be ashamed.
But, at the time, I felt like my anger was well placed, and I began ranting about how much Santa sucked even though he had nothing to do with it. At one point I told Andy I wanted to start celebrating Hanukkah and Kwanza. Finally, Andy and I decided to just find the closest parking garage and park there.
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| Mickey & Minnie on Michigan Avenue trolling for victims. |
So here Andy and I are, walking a billion miles through Chicago to get to our Hotel, battling blow up Santas and people dressed as elves. Then I start to have a problem. I have Raynaud’s Disease, which is not nearly as serious as it sounds. I love to be dramatic and tell people I have a disease, the reactions are priceless. It’s a blood vessel disorder that causes you to lose feeling in your fingers during cold temperatures. Depending on the temperature and how long you are exposed to the elements, it can be incredibly painful. People who have it are subject to “Raynaud’s Attacks,” which are sudden onsets of your blood vessels tightening up. They can happen at anytime and are very very very painful.
Part way through our trek to the hotel I lost Andy and found myself alone on this street corner, lost in a huge crowd of parade-goers. It’s like 15 degrees, the blow up Frosty is staring at me, it’s super windy, and I get one of these attacks. I’m in so much pain I could barely hold my luggage and I couldn’t dial my phone to find Andy. The pain I was in must have been obvious, suddenly this young man and his girlfriend came over to me, the young man took off his gloves and put them on my both my hands. They stood there rubbing my hands, helping me find Andy in the crowd. When I found him, the man tried to give me his gloves, insisting I needed them more than him. He was going to let a total stranger just have his clearly very expensive Columbia gloves. I couldn’t take them from him but his kindness was so overwhelming and heartwarming. No stranger has ever done something that generous and selfless for me.
So my anger at Santa morphed into love for humankind as the young man and his girlfriend disappeared into the crowd. Thanks for reminding me what Christmas is really about, you wonderful Chicago stranger.